Joe has always told me that I'm a "grass-is-greener" kind of person; meaning, I am always thinking that something else will make me happier. He is right, I am totally like that. Joe is such a great example of seizing every moment for what it's worth, whether it's good or bad, and finding time to appreciate and relish in that feeling. At my last appointment my doctor asked me if I enjoyed being pregnant, I had a hard time formulating an answer to her ambiguous question. No, I haven't enjoyed the morning (all day) sickness, no I haven't enjoyed gained weight, no I haven't enjoyed having zero energy, but I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to carry this sweet little baby. She isn't even here yet, but she already feels so old to me. Feeling her first little kicks to her constant tumbles and twirls in my stomach show me just how much she has grown and developed in such a short amount of time. A part of me just wishes I could keep her inside of me forever; thinking about bringing such innocence into this scary world makes me so sad.
Yesterday, I was having a particularly rough day and I was cranky and just annoyed with being pregnant. It was mine and Joe's day off together and we, of course, had it jam packed with errands and mile long lists to complete. I knew it'd be a long haul of a day getting everything done and since I have gotten to the point in my pregnancy where everything is uncomfortable, I was nervous about completing everything. Sitting is miserable, standing is torture, laying down just sucks, there just isn't anything comfortable about being pregnant right now. I started to cry and told Joe how sick of being pregnant I was and how badly I just want it to be over and to have this baby girl in our arms already. I thought about my mini-meltdown a lot today and it made me sad that I was being such a brat about carrying this child. I know in my crazy, grass-is-greener ways I will somehow miss being pregnant and long for the sleepless nights that I was kept up by jabs to my ribs or never ending hiccups (poor girl gets them every night!).
I just want to remember these thoughts and feelings and remember that I don't actually hate being pregnant; it's seriously been such a blessing in mine and Joe's life to know that we have such a sweet spirit coming into our home so soon. It hasn't been the easiest of times, but I really have lucked out with a relatively low maintenance pregnancy. I love that I am able to carry a baby and bring this sweet girl into a good home with loving parents. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have Joe as her dad, he is already so smitten by her. I worry about how it's going to be when she's older, he is totally going to give her anything and everything she wants and I'll be stuck being the bad cop haha.
Sorry I haven't posted any pictures, I really haven't been in the picture taking mood lately. Being this pregnant and swollen definitely takes it toll on your self esteem! I'll be better about posting pictures soon, I always get annoyed when people don't post pictures with their blog posts haha whoops!
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