Nothing Is as Constant as Change

After much procrastination, I have finally decided to post a real update.  Not that any of my other blog posts weren't real, I just figured I needed to make an  announcement formally (not that a blog is formal ha ha). As per the many phone calls, text messages, and awkward conversations with old friends I have had recently, I decided that I should let everyone know that Joe and I have changed our wedding date.  There have been lots of rumors flying around campus (and when I say "lots" I mean a ridiculous amount of made up viciousness.) Although, I am not going to air for the whole blog world to read the reasoning behind our date change,I will inform you it is NOT what you are (most likely) thinking. There isn't anything bad that has happened between us that typically happens to engaged LDS couples, so stop thinkin' that way, sheesh!  

I apologize to those of you who I blantatly lied to whenever I was asked about our wedding (cut me some slack, no one is perfect)  I so desperately wanted to hold onto our original wedding date and not have to go into why we changed the date and/or endure the judgment that comes with explaining any sort of blemish in a relationship. 

I apologize to those of you who thought you were invited and have yet to see an invitation, we obviously have not sent them out yet. I promise that everyone who wants an invite will get one! 

I apologize for keeping this to myself for as long as I have and not allowing anyone to help me.  I am a very stubborn person and I like to do things on my own, and this situation was very personal and difficult to get through that I wanted only close family and a few very dear friends involved.  Don't worry, I learned my lesson, the next time a trial makes its way into my life I will definitely lean on my family and friends a lot more. (prepare yourself now!) 

Although, I hear a lot of "wow, how could you wait that long to get married?" (just a word of caution, I will turn away and stop talking to anyone who makes those comments, trust me I know it's a long time.)  both Joe and I know that this decision was personal and it was made with the help of the Lord and we know that we are doing the right thing by waiting. I still get insanely jealous whenever I hear about people getting married before me, but I know that our wedding day will be all the more special because of the hard work and effort we had to put into getting there.  

I know without a shadow of a doubt that Joe is the man for me, even though these last few months have been rough and we have been faced with things that most couples will never experience, I know that we were meant for each other. We have seen the darkest of dark times, and the happiest, most beautiful times together.  These experiences have shaped and redefined our relationship, and we have grown and fallen more and more in love.  I never knew that through a trial I could grow to love more.  Not only has my love for Joe grown, but my love of life and the beauty and joy I find in the small things has overwhelmed me and changed my perspective to that of a more grateful one.  I love life and I am eternally grateful for this trial and the positive effects it has had in both our lives.  There is no where else to go, but up! Things get better and better every day and I am so lucky to have the life I have- it may not be perfect, but I am a happy girl. 

If anyone has any questions or concerns with anything I've written I'd really appreciate it if you would refrain from contacting my mommy and just call or message me! :) Even if you try and call my mommy, good luck trying to get her to budge on details she's the best mama bear anyone could ask for! <3 

Joe and I will be sealed for time and all eternity in the Mount Timpanogos Temple on September 23, 2011! Put it on your calendar, you can rest assured that this date will not change! :) Just a little side note, my wedding will be waaaaay better planned and put together and not to mention outrageously more beautiful  than any other wedding, just sayin'...(I'm not tryin' to hate on anyone's wedding, I just need a little self-encouragement ha ha)

September 23, 2011

A Slow Leak

Two weekends ago I was fortunate enough to have my sister, McKenna and my mommy come up and see me perform in Extravadance! It was so much fun to have them here and to see all the hard work Dance Alliance had done to create our wonderfully, fantastic show! We had such a blast together, even though my mom was only here until Sunday, we managed to make it an eventful weekend together! There really isn't a whole lot to do in Rexburg, especially in the winter, but we did find plenty of things to laugh at and have fun with.  My mom came up with the idea to go try on my wedding dress (it's still so weird that I'm getting married! A good weird, don't worry) because McKenna had never seen it in person! It was so much fun to finally see my dress and to see how beautiful it looked on (don't mind me while I brag a little) I would post a picture of it, but I don't want to ruin the surprise quite yet :) We then bought way too many Girl Scout Cookies (Thin Mints holla!)  and my mom's favorite, Robin Eggs- they are truly to die for! Go buy them along with some peeps and thank me later.

Since college life is anything but lavish, McKenna and I decided it'd be best to have her sleep on an air mattress and not crammed in my cozy twin bed.  We tried that one summer she came to visit me and trust me, it was not a pretty sight.  Joe had an air mattress and agreed to let her borrow it.  My mommy bought her an electric blanket and sheets and we set up the mattress, which fit perfectly in my little room! (we won't go into the details on how big of a disaster it was for me to set up, I'd like to keep my dignity in tack, thank you) Low and behold, it had a hidden leak in it! We don't know when it happened, probably shortly after she fell asleep, but the air mattress slowly deflated until poor McKenna was sleeping on the ground. We tried everything to keep that dang mattress inflated; I would wake up periodically throughout the night to pump it up, in hopes of somehow keeping her off the floor, but no matter what she always woke up on the ground with bubbles of air mattress surrounding her.  She was such a trooper and didn't complain at all, I really don't know how we're related! :) I guess anything is better than sharing a bed with me! 

This is love

Rockin' her hat

Making tacos :)

Disaster much?

They will both disagree, but I DID help with dinner!

Make a Wish and Do As Dreamers Do

First things first, these past few weeks have been insanely busy (nothing too abnormal these days) but this time is has been busy with Dance Alliance rehearsal's. We had our show, EXTRAVADANCE this weekend and it has been absolutely amazing! Opening night was beautiful and Friday and Saturday were equally as fabulous. Thank you to everyone who came and supported me! Joe saw all 3 shows AND sat through dress rehearsal, he loved it all!

Shockingly, I have a few extra minutes to blog and I thought I'd share one of the date's Joe and I recently went on.  Joe and I rarely fight or argue with one another, but when we do it is usually about what dates we're going to go on (I'm fully aware of how lame that sounds). I expect Joe to plan wonderfully romantic evenings every date night we have, but he doesn't like to do that.  Not that Joe isn't a romantic, he just wants to plan something with me to ensure total satisfaction on my end, since I can tend to be a little high maintenance. Okay, I can be a lot high maintenance (bless his heart). I decided to switch things up and ask Joe out on date! I asked him out over the weekend for Tuesday and quickly scrambled to plan something that would exceed his expectations. I never knew how stressful planning a date could be, and I felt really bad when studying and homework postponed our date until Thursday. (Secretly, I knew Joe was loving seeing me squirm over this date. I was finally getting a taste of what he has to goes through!) Thursday arrived way too fast and I still didn't have anything finalized for our date, and Joe's excitement and anticipation upped the pressure even more. All in all, I think I pulled off a pretty fantastic date. We kicked off the night with a classy dinner at IHOP and ate way too many pancakes and eggs. 

 

This might sound weird to some, but I hate pennies.  I think they are pointless and really annoying, and whenever my wallet accumulates an excess amount of pennies, I usually throw them away. So horrible, and ridiculously weird but whatever, don't judge. Lately, I've been putting them in a container Joe keeps in his truck for spare change (horkley's money, duh!)  I decided to sift out all the pennies from his truck and use them towards our date, no I didn't pay for IHOP in pennies, although that would have been funny to see the look on our grouchy server's face. I took him to a river in Idaho Falls and found and nice spot to make wishes with our pennies. Some might think it sounds like a lame date, but we had a blast together! We decided to make wishes and make promises to each other. Most were silly and really funny and others were ridiculously sweet and heart warming; Joe always has a way with words and can speak so eloquently. Me on the other hand...not so much. We were freezing and I think people thought we were strange for throwing pennies in a half frozen river at night time. I think I did a pretty dang good job! I don't want to plan any dates for a while, but I know Joe appreciated it and hopefully he had a wonderful time :)

    

Warm Fuzzies

I love looking through our engagement pictures, hopefully you enjoy them as much as I do! :) 

 

Homeward Bound

Life has been crazy lately, and when I say crazy that is an understatement.  I have had the darkest of dark times and the brightest and most hopeful of times, sometimes all of which have happened in the same day. (talk about stressful!) I have been thinking a lot lately about the trials we face and how we are required to figure them out and endure to the end. I have been trying to figure out why. Such an infamous question, right? Why are we faced with such sorrowful and tumultuous problems? Why does it seem like every single person around us has it so much better and easier? Why can't I just ever catch a break? (Seriously though, why?!) Trust me, all of these thoughts and more have flooded my mind these last few weeks. I don't have all the answers to any of those questions, but I have gained a better understanding of the Lord's plan throughout the most recent trial I have been faced with. Throughout each trial I have endured I have been drawn down to my knees to plead for help and guidance and comfort. I feel like I am closest to my loving Heavenly Father during the trying times and if it weren't for that specific trial I wouldn't be able to grow closer to Him or gain the knowledge I needed to progress.  At this moment in time, I feel completely lost and a little scared.  The only thing that gets me through it is the fact that I have enough faith that there is a plan and purpose behind everything, and I have a God who loves me enough to give me trials and hard times to yield greater results down the road. 

My amazing little sister, McKenna told me of a talk to read that has inspired me and lifted my spirits.  It is entitled, "Fear Not" and it was written by Tad R. Callister. He talks about how each problem we face, there is always a divinely inspired solution and reason behind it.  I love that! It provided me with an amazing amount of peace and comfort to know that the things that are happening aren't just happening for fun, rather I am being shaped and molded into the person my Heavenly Father desires me to be. How lucky are we?! 

I have the amazing opportunity to be apart of the touring dance company here at BYU-Idaho and what a blessing and privilege it has been to me. There are 32 of us on this team and they all have become like family to me, and I couldn't be more grateful for that. The strength and happiness they have provided me in my life wasn't apparent until recently and I know that there was a reason for me to be on this team. I had a deeply profound spiritual experience at rehearsal today, all of which is too personal to share, but I do want to share what provoked this experience. Our closing piece is absolutely stunning I may be slightly biased :)  The song is from the Mormon Tabernacle and it is called "Homeward Bound" and it is simply beautiful and will forever hold a special place in my heart. The song basically talks about our journey here on earth and how at times it might be difficult, but we have a focus and a goal to reach. I love this journey I have been given to experience. Although, I get angry and frustrated at times (a lot of the times actually) and think all hope is lost I can rest assured that I know in my heart that, "I'll be homeward bound in time..."

I am so grateful for Joe and his love and the trials that we have faced together.  They haven't been easy, but I know that there is an answer behind all that has happened.  I am so grateful for this gospel and the light it provides in my life, without it all of the pain and joyous times would hold no meaning.

A Christmas Story

I'll be the first to tell you that I was quite a Grinch on Christmas. You're probably thinking, "How is it even possible to be unhappy during the best month of the year?!" Any other year I would have smacked someone who was being a Debby Downer on my most favorite holiday. I mean, who could possibly be a grump on Christmas with tons of delicious food, family, presents, and boat loads of candy! 

It's most definitely not something I am proud of, and I promise that this post isn't as depressing as it might sound, just give me a moment to wallow (I promise I'll be quick). This Christmas was very different from all the other ones we've celebrated.  Not only was I away from Joe, but this is was the first Christmas we had since my parents divorced over the summer. My sister and I woke up and did a little bit of Christmas with my Dad and left to go over to our Mom's for breakfast and more presents.  You know those days you have and from the moment you wake up you just know that day is going to be awful? I never thought those days could creep in on Christmas! 

As we drove over to our Mom's I couldn't help but think of how much I hated the hassle of driving the whole 5 minutes to our Mom's house and how stupid it was that Santa didn't come (oh yeah, the whiney, cry baby award clearly goes to me!). I was in a mood and I didn't care that it was Christmas, nothing was stopping my pity party!  Don't get me wrong, we had a lovely time with our Mom and her husband Mark and we of course got wonderful gifts that we definitely didn't deserve or need (well, except the socks I was in definite need of those).  The gifts my Dad got us were also outrageous and I was not deserving of them at all (especially with the tude I was pullin' that day)

I was in a funk, and no amount of perfectly decorated and sprinkled sugar cookies could pull me out of it!  You know it's bad when cookies can't make me happy...

My Dad reminded me that we were going to go do a service project with another family in our ward later that afternoon.  Surprising, my heart wasn't bitterly cold that day, I was eager to go and get my mind off how unhappy I was. 

You know that one family in your ward, the one that is gorgeous and perfectly put together all the time? The family where each person is ridiculously talented, and without effort can make anyone's resume look like an old scrap of paper. Yes, this is the Bluth family for those who might be fortunate enough to know them. My Dad, sister and I went over to their house to make and assemble lunches that we would hand out to the homeless in downtown Phoenix. 
These weren't just your ordinary brown bag lunches. We're talking about the Bluth family, they were gourmet lunches and it was hard not to sneak some of the goodies (I promise the missing pudding wasn't me!) 
The lunches included a Turkey sandwich with lettuce and cheese, peanut butter crackers, chips, a baby orange, pudding, a Capri Sun, and napkins and a plastic knife and spoon! Talk about some amazing lunches, and if it couldn't get any better than that, there were adorned with the cutest Christmas tree decorations  that gave them that extra festive punch!  I wish I would have taken a picture because they were adorable! 

The adults piled in one car and McKenna, Lexi, and her older sister and husband and I got into another car and headed down to Van Buren, a street in Phoenix that doesn't have the best reputation. The entire drive down I complained about how I didn't get a new ipod (in my defense, my itouch broke the week before Christmas, so I was a little bummed to be ipod-less). We didn't really have a plan we just decided to stop and hand out the lunches to people who we thought looked in need of some Christmas cheer (quite the responsibility! We wanted to give a lunch to everyone we saw) We found a park with a few people sleeping and gave the lunches to them. Us girls didn't think it was the safest to get out on our own so we delegated the handing out to Courtney's husband, Austin. When we would see someone on the street we'd pull over and Austin would roll down his window and say, "Hey! You want this?" it was hilarious and quickly became the ongoing joke of the day. I'm sorry if no one else thinks that is funny, but it was a riot to us.

Slowly, my perspective and attitude started to change.  We saw so many people living on the streets, not knowing when they would get their next meal and I had the audacity to complain about how much of a "hassle" my life was and how upset I was that I didn't get a new ipod.  The sinking feeling in my stomach and the lump in my throat grew and I felt horribly selfish and ungrateful. (I'm sure most of you reading this are saying, "Well good you deserve it!")  

There was one man that we gave a lunch to that especially touched each of our hearts.  We only had a few lunches left when we followed the adults into an empty parking lot.  Sitting behind an old Chinese restaurant with a shopping cart full of empty cans and cardboard boxes was a rugged looking man.  He wore a tattered trucker hat and sported a long gray beard, he was the stereotypical man that you would feel increasingly uncomfortable around if you were alone saw him on the street.  My Dad got out of the car and started talking to him, immediately his face lit up and he smiled the most genuine smile I have ever seen; despite the missing teeth he had.  
I don't know what my Dad talked to him about, but as he stood there I thought about how lucky I am to have all that I am given so freely.  I never have to worry about where I'll sleep at night or where my next meal is going to come from.  I have an amazing family who loves and supports me, even though we don't have"the perfect family" it is still great and a lot better than what most people have. 

As we started to drive away we saw the old man say a prayer and throw his fist in the air in a joyous expression, as if he was explaining "yesssss!" .  He held on tightly to the box and gently touched and admired the decorative Christmas tree that perfectly topped the box.  As we  watched this, there wasn't a dry eye in the car and we humbly sat in silence in awe of what we just witnessed. Courtney said, "and this is why we do this, for people like him!" I couldn't agree more with her statement!  For those couple hours I didn't think once about the gifts I didn't receive or about myself and the "problems" I had.  I felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love from my Heavenly Father during the quiet drive back to Scottsdale. The gratitude I have towards my life all the wonderful blessings I take part in every day touched me like never before. I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to lose myself in service and help those in need.  I have always thought if I can touch the life of just one person,then my work has been done. 

Even though we didn't make a huge difference in the world nor did we provide lasting happiness for the people we saw, I know that we provided them with a little ounce of joy and perhaps a sliver of hope that there is good to be had in the world, we just have to go out and find it. Every time I start to complain (which is quite frequently) I think of that old man and what he might be doing and my attitude changes immediately and the gratitude I felt that day rushes over me once more.

I am proud to say that by the time we got home my heart, much like the Grinch's, grew three sizes that day and I gained a new and much needed perspective on life.  Next year (hopefully if the Bluth's invite us again) we would like to make 100 lunches.  There is nothing quite like service on the best day of the year! 

 

 

Christmas Came Early!

I have been so excited this last week to post this blog entry (go ahead and make fun of me, McKenna) because I actually felt like I had something "blog worthy" to talk about. In the midst of all the crazy that happened during finals week and clean checks, Joe and I managed to find time to go Christmas shopping for each other.  I have always loved gift giving (despite what my family might think) and seeing the excited looks on family and friends faces when they open their gifts is always so rewarding.  I felt an inner desire to go above and beyond on Joe's gifts and give him the best Christmas he had ever had.  Unfortunately, a college budget left me limited and very discouraged on what I could do for him. I had some help from his close friends on what I could do and I felt very confident in what gifts I was ready to exchange. Since Joe has to stay in Rexburg for Christmas because of his stupid job ( alright, his job really isn't THAT stupid, it is just stupid  that he has to stay over the break. He works so hard to save money for us when we're married, but really what kind of Christmas is one spent in the dismal and frigid cold Rexburg?)We decided to do Christmas early! I love learning new things about Joe and I quickly learned that he is a pro gift wrapper (my mom is going to be so embarrassed when she sees my gift wrapping ability...or lack there of). Joe did a lot of service on his mission wrapping gifts at the mall during Christmas time, so that's where he gained his expertise :) 
(just ignore the mismatched wrapping paper) 

My sad looking presents. 

I was so excited to show off my awesome gifts and eager to see if Joe just threw my gifts in a colorful bag with matching tissue paper. (alright, that was actually MY idea since gift wrapping terrifies me. Joe told me I had to wrap them...ugh!) 

I'm not going to lie, when I saw what kind of wrapping job Joe had done I was a little bummed and a lot embarrassed. He had everything perfectly wrapped, and let me tell you, his corners looked perfect!  Gift wrapping is the thing the girl should be good at, but hey, maybe I've gotten myself out of gift wrapping for the rest of my life?

                                                      The beauties Joe walzted out with!

 That huge box is every kids fantasy (I'm a little kid at heart, surprising I know!) Inside it contained box after box filled with presents and all sorts of amazing goodies, he knows me so well! 

                                                   Fully equipped with bows and ribbons

The new trucks and wheels I got Joe. Don't worry, I didn't know what they were either. The guys at the store told me they were "sick" and Joe liked them so yay!

                                                   Annoyed with all the pictures I'm taking :) 

All in all, our first sort-of Christmas together was perfect! I can't wait to spend our first real Christmas together next year! I love the Christmas season, I wish that it never had to end!  I want to make it a goal to keep the Christmas spirit with me throughout the year! 
Merry Christmas Eve everyone!