Dear Kaymin

Dear Kaymin,

Do you know how much I love you? I remember hearing my own parents telling me the same thing when I was growing up, I'd shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes and not give much thought to the sentiment. If you think about it, it's really  a tough thought to wrap your head around. But really, though, do you know how much I truly love you? How every cell in body is awakened by your sweet giggle and how my heart breaks  every time you cry, or how I miss you after you've gone to bed for the night.

There's so much sadness and despair in the world...I wish so badly that I could shield you from it all and keep your heart happy and carefree, but I know I can't and that your trials and struggles are inevitable, but do you know how much I love you?

 I see a light in your eyes that I hope never goes away; you're so curious and genuine and so not patient (you get that from me). You've blessed me with a redo at discovering what is truly important in life and given me the opportunity to find my joy in this journey together.

Somedays, I can't believe that you're mine, that you actually picked me! Oh, how I'm so glad you picked me. You are mine and I am yours, forever and ever. I've often wondered what I did right to deserve such a perfect little person to love and take care of. I am grateful everyday that I am able to be apart of your world and go on all of our adventures together. 

Do you know how much I love you? If I could find a way to put into words how full my heart is because of you, I don't think there would be enough ink or paper in the world to convey how I feel.

I love you forever and ever, my sweet little Kbug. 

Love,

Mom

Kaymin: 6 Months

Oh me, oh my you have grown up so much this month! You have not one, but two teeth popping through your little gums. You haven't been terribly bothered by your new pearly additions, but boy do you look different with them!

At 6 months you…

Have been rolling over like a mad woman! You rolled for weeks and weeks and love it.

You love food! I'm not sure how much longer you'll eat baby food before you start snagging mom and dad's plates off the table.

Your jumper is my your best friend

You've finally started to take naps and this mama sang from the rooftops when it happened!

You are so happy and so fun right now, everyday is a new adventure and I love watching you discover new things.

You still snuggle me from time to time and I melt whenever it happens

You are a crazy wild child during diaper changes kicking and flailing your feet

You giggle anytime dad rubs his beard on your hands

Dad won't admit it, but you're completely 100% wrapped around his finger

You light up our lives, Kaymin. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect, beautiful, happy baby. I want you to stay little forever.

Be still my heart

"Parents, remember that now is your opportunity; you may feel yourself harassed as you struggle through the days with children, but you are living the happiest and most golden years of your life. As you tuck them into their beds at night, please be kind to them. Let them hear a kind voice amid all the angry, vile voices that they will hear throughout life. Let there be an anchor to which these little ones can turn when all else fails. The Lord help you so to do"

-Harold B. Lee 

What I Wish

I had a really great conversation with my mom a few weeks back about how overwhelming it is to be a new mom. I feel, no amount of reading or "studying" can prepare a woman for the crazy changes that happen the second your precious baby is born. Once a baby is born, so is a mother. I didn't realize that it was going to take an insane amount of patience and learning on my end to figure this whole thing out. Nothing could have prepared me for this journey, maybe that's how God intended it to be, we as women, have to trust ourselves and more importantly trust in Him to know that we can do this. I've learned that there is a lot of faith involved with parenting, but isn't that the case with all of life's biggest responsibilities?

Looking back on these past six months I can see that I was a late bloomer with this whole motherhood thing. Perhaps, I am more normal than I'm giving myself credit for, maybe there are others that have felt the way I do, or I'm just completely backwards and behind on the times of being a mother. Regardless of where I fall on this learning curve, I'll admit that I had a really, really hard time. 

I've seen dozens of friends have babies and recount how blissful every second is and how wonderful mommy life is. I see these pictures with the cute babies with the adorable outfits and the perfectly placed bows and it really does look picture perfect. When my new mommy life wasn't measuring up to what I thought it would, I started to panic. What about the mountains of laundry strewn about the house, the petty arguments I am now having with my husband, the complete and utter confusion when you've done everything you know how to do and your baby is still crying? What about those moments? There isn't an Instagram filter for that. No one sees that or talks about that stuff, maybe I'll regret this late night post in the morning, but I wish I would have had someone tell me that this was normal. That everything I was and have been feeling is what everyone has felt. Why didn't anyone tell me it will all be okay? Are we all too scared to break down this perfect mommy facade in fear that someone else has it more together than we do? 

 I remember back when I was pregnant having a conversation with my dear friend, Mette, about motherhood. She had recently just had her sweet baby girl and I was picking her brain trying, once again, to prepare myself for what my future would soon be. I can vividly remember her telling me that being a mom was hard, she loved it but it was hard. I felt as if someone had stabbed straight through my heart when she said that to me. No one had ever told me this mommy business was that hard, but I can remember hearing the conviction in her voice when she said how much she loved it. I remember thinking for months about that conversation and wondering what could be so hard. It made me sad to think that the so called, "best job in the world" would be difficult, how naive of me. I pictured life to be like all the pictures and gushy blog posts I've read. Cue the painfully rude awakening. 

Like I said earlier, I was a late bloomer to figuring all this stuff out. There were days I would hold my precious baby and just cry, wondering what on earth have I done? I would think that I can't possibly go another sleepless night or another day without finally putting those dishes in the sink away. I kept thinking about myself and how much easier pregnant life was compared to this. Ultimately, I was just being selfish and had no idea what an incredibly huge sacrifice this new title of mine was.

Once I came to terms with my new role, I was better able to navigate through all the new challenges that were now in my midst. Once you have a baby, as everyone will tell you, life as you once knew it is  over. The more I have thought about this, the more I have realized that even though my life before baby is over, I have now embarked on a brand new and even more fulfilling life than I ever thought possible. I might night be able to sleep in, or go to a Friday night movie with my husband on a whim anymore, but I am able to make a precious little girl smile and laugh everyday. I am able to feel joy and happiness I haven't ever thought possible. I am able to stay home and care for my beautiful daughter. I am able to feel fulfilled in my role as a wife and mother and that is something a day of shopping or a netflix marathon couldn't do.

Life as a mom is hard. It's the hardest, most stressful job I've ever had, but it is also the best, most rewarding, humbling, and beautiful opportunity I've ever been given. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Kaymin 5 months

My sweet, sweet girl your laughter and smiles never get old, you light up my life in a way I didn't know was possible. I feel like overnight she has grown up. When I hold her in my arms to feed her, I can't hold her for long without the boppy or an arm rest since she's so big. My heart could burst it's filled with so much love. I feel like we really know each other now. She's my little buddy and fills each and everyday with laughter and happiness and the occasional meltdown ;)

At 5 months...

You're still a great sleeper! 10-12 hours with the occasional wake up at 3:00am. 

You don't like anyone holding you or getting too close besides mom and dad.

You grab items off the shelf at the store

You throw your toys out of the stroller all.the.time. We've almost lost Sophie the (expensive) giraffe one too many times. She has two Sophie's too. One from Gamma and the other I bought. That gets stressful keeping track of those!

You love Nollie and want to pet and hold her every chance you get

You've finally masted rolling over!! You've been working hard to get it and when you did you were so proud! 

We've eaten avocado, green beans,

And sweet potato. Along with a variety of other tastey food you've snatched up on accident. 

Mom is still exclusively pumping breast milk for you. Dad thinks I am addicted, but I just want the best for you. 

You love your jumper and will go crazy in it every chance you get.

When laying on your back you love to scoot backwards.

You still refuse to nap.

And you are cuter and sweeter than ever!

Kaymin: 4 months

My squishy little baby is growing up so fast and as much as I love all the new things she's experiencing, I can't help but ache for my tiny newborn.

At four months you...

Love getting attention from strangers when we're out running errands. 

Have the most defined and pretty eyebrows! They compliment your big blue eyes perfectly.

Love playing with toys and chewing on everything. 

You're smiley and giggly (almost) all the time. 

You're still sleeping like a champ! 10-12 hours straight with the occasional wake up around 3:30-4:00. As hard as some of our days are without a nap, I can't complain too much.

You hate your car seat and will cry at the sight of it. Sigh...

You grab and pull my hair, necklaces, shirt, and most recently my food! 

You're obsessed with food. We gave you rice cereal on 8-20-14 but you preferred avaocado instead. Yum! 

You think gamma's doggies are hilarious. They aren't too fond of you. 

You rolled for the first time on gamma's counter when we were getting ready for your bath! It happened 8-10-14 and you so incredibly proud of yourself. You rolled tummy to back, and have only done so once more since ha. 

You've started this crazy scream/shrill whenever you get exited or just want attention. You love doing it in public, of course. 

You love the pool and swimming with gamma and grandpa. Ever since you took your first dip with grandpa mark you've been kicking and splashing in your bathtub. 

You aboalutely love looking at yourself in the mirror. Anytime you're fussy or crying I can take you to a mirror and you calm right down. Gamma's bug mirror has all kinds of grubby finger prints on it from you. 

You love taking catnaps with dad. I think he loves them more though.

You are starting to recognize when we call you by name, except we have so many nicknames for you I think you get confused. We love calling you: Kbug, muffin, K-money (I have no idea where that one came from).

Hi, do you remember me?

Hi, my name is Laurin Leiser I am a wife, a mom, and I used to work at Disney World. I feel awkward and weird about my blog, it kind of has that feeling I would get on the first day of school when the teacher would waste time and have EVERYONE stand up and say their name and an interesting fact about themselves. My go to was that I used to work at Disney. I thought it was so cool because not a lot of people can say that and it made me stand out…? Who knows. I've made a lot of changes around here and I am absolutely loving the new design. A big thank you to Judith Kester for putting up with my constant emails and the countless times I've changed my mind. You should stop by and check out her adorable blog.

I've been thinking a lot about what direction I want to take my blog and the one thought that kept popping into my mind was how I wanted it to be real. I, like so many other girls, follow blogs that are filled with stylish clothing, designer handbags, and outrageous homes. That might be their reality but it isn't mine, and I know it isn't the reality for a lot of young women my age and sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow. Of course I want all those fabulous valentino heals and the perfectly tousled hair, oh and the photographer that follows them around, but I don't and that's okay. I want to document my life how I see it; somedays {almost} everything goes as planned and other days I am in sweats covered in spit up trying to soothe a unconsolable baby who isn't happy being held or set down. This is my reality and as hard as some days are I have come to love this new life I am living. I am in no way perfect at being a mom, but I love my daughter and I love being a mom and a wife.

Honestly, I've been a little lost and have struggled with who I am now that I am a mom. Even if no one looks at this blog, I think this will give me an outlet to figure out my new, crazy life and hopefully feel a little more like myself. Hopefully.

Here's to new beginnings and new adventures. Stay a while and take part in a little piece of my crazy world.

Kaymin: 3 months

My little baby isn't looking like my squishy newborn anymore and it is so bittersweet to see her grow and change everyday!  Everyday Joe and I look at her and comment on how different she looks; this girl is always changing and growing way too fast! 

At three months: 

You smile and coo at everything. It pretty much melts my heart. You "talk" and babble all day long and I love it!

You are definitely a morning person. You are so happy and smiley when I come and get you in the mornings. You get that from your dad. 

You laughed for the first time and my heart just about exploded. You were watching Nollie play with her baby and you must have thought it was hilarious. It was one big belly laugh after another! 

You've still got a little bit of a bobble head, but you're able to hold your head up like a champ! All that torturous tummy time is paying off! ;) 

You usually sleep 8:30-3:30/4:30 and then you'll wake around 7:30 to eat again and sleep in until 10-10:30. Mom loves your morning nap! 

You refuse to nap during the day which is hard. 

You get so much attention whenever we go out. Everyone always stops to stare and coo at you. You eat it up. 

You are constantly chewing on your fists. Anything you can get your hands on goes straight to your mouth. Including moms hair...

My favorite moments are after your nighttime feed when you nuzzle your head into my shoulder. I will look down at you and you look exactly like you did on the day you were born. I usually hold you until I can't keep my eyes open because I never want that moment to end. You're definitely my favorite reason to lose sleep.

You're obsessed with the Kardashian's. That concerns me haha

Bath time is hit or miss. Somedays you love it, most days you scream the whole time. 

Once 6pm rolls around you are a little monster child. Colic? The witching hour? Who knows... But like clockwork you freak out.

You're ticklish on your neck and will squeal if we tickle it.

You're great at running errands with me only if I have you uncovered so you can see what's going on.

You love music and when mom sings to you.

You love dad and get the biggest grin when he comes home from work.

We moved you to the crib and you love it! My heart broke a little the first night we put you there.

You're obsessed with food! You love watching me eat. Your doctor said we can start you on solids next month, we will see. 

You are starting to enjoy your playmat. The other day you kicked so hard you knocked down the little foam rails! 

Oh Kaymin, we love you so incredibly much! I often wonder how I went through life without you and what I did with all my time. I think I napped a lot haha. I honestly can't picture life without you. Even on our hardest days I feel so lucky to be your mom; I have the best job in the entire world! 

Kaymin: 2 Months

I mean, where has the time gone? I'm sure I'll say that for every post I make, but I can't believe this little munchkin has been around for 8 whole weeks! Ahhh we just love her so much!

You're consistently sleeping 6 hours at 

night! What a world of difference that has made for mom and dad! Hopefully, you keep it up…please keep it up.

You smile and coo all the time now and it's the most adorable thing ever. Sometimes when I'm frustrated at midnight and can't get you to sleep you'll flash a gummy grin and all my frustrations melt away. Little stinker ;)

You still hate tummy time, but have since discovered that you love napping on your tummy. We will do our usual afternoon tummy time session and you scream and cry for about 3 minutes and then fall asleep, sneaky girl.

Your farts are huge and resemble that of a truck driver. I'm usually woken up in the middle of the night, not by crying, but by your loud toots haha.

Nollie is fiercely protective of you. If grandma's dogs get too close to you she chases them away and will stand guard next to you until they leave the room.

If I'm in the kitchen cleaning bottles and can't hear you crying, Nollie will run downstairs and scratch at my legs letting me know you're awake.

You love your baths.

We've been going for walks outside lately and you love it! You love being outside and looking at all the trees.

You still give dad fits in the middle of the night, but not as bad as you used to. You think any time with dad is party time, I can't blame you.

You've almost outgrown your newborn clothes! Your newborn leggings are all shorts and your onesies have turned into muscle shirts haha

I've discovered that loud music and dancing soothes you. Perhaps it was me working at Hollister my entire pregnancy that has lead to this? Whatever works!

You love sleeping in your bassinet now, hopefully this will make our transition to the crib an easy one.

You like to be swaddled, but only with your hands out.

You sleep with your hands either up over your head, or your right hand by your cheek. It's so cute

You've got the cutest pouty face ever. I can already tell that you're going to be a lot of drama!

If someone else is holding you and you hear me talking, you immediately start looking for me. I love that you know I'm your mama.

I bought one of those mirrors that goes oh the back of the headrest in my car so I can see you when we're out and about. You absolutely hate it. You scream and cry whenever you're uncovered in the car.  Maybe you'll like it in a couple weeks? 

We were out shopping and a lady thought you had to be at least 6 months old... You're definitely a big baby! We're so curious to find out how much you weigh at next weeks appointment. 

You like taking a really long nap in the mornings which has been sooo nice! I can get ready and get so much done around the house! 

I can't believe you've been with us for two whole months! Everyday gets better and better. I love being your mom and seeing you grow and change everyday. I miss my little newborn, but I am loving all these fun changes that are happening!