Blessed

I've been thinking a lot lately about how incredibly blessed joe and I have been in our marriage. I don't want this post to be one of those obnoxious posts about how wonderfully perfect our life is, because trust me, it's far from perfect. I've finally realized that it's fine to have a far from perfect life, it's fine. These are just some thoughts I've had that I've been meaning to write down, so I won't be offended if you stop reading :)

Here's a little back story that most people don't know about our sudden move to Utah. We found out I was pregnant on July 30th and we were over the moon excited. We both had good jobs (mine having insanely good health benefits) we were living comfortably, and we felt ready to be parents... Kind of. Exactly one week after we took that pregnancy test I got news that the store I was working at was getting closed down. The kicker is that they were shutting the store down in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! I remember the day I got the news I sat in the back room of the store on the floor and just cried. Not because I was losing my job, I really hated my job at that store so it was a relief actually, but I was terrified about what we would do to provide for this baby. 

My job had blessed our lives for the entirety of our marriage making things possible for us that most people our age didn't have. I felt accomplished and satisfied knowing that I was able to support our family while my husband finished school. I immediately started interviewing for jobs, but one of the (many) sucky things about living in that area of Idaho was the fact that no one could pay me what I made at Hollister and give me the same kind of benefits I had before. I have a bachelors degree and I couldn't justify working minimum wage. We were completely stuck. Joe and I have been through a lot of crazy things together, but this experience was so different because it wasn't just us anymore. We had this precious little baby to worry about. We prayed so hard to find answers to our problem, but things seemed pretty hopeless. 

 I remember one day I was getting ready for work and I called joe and asked if he would be able to finish his degree online, he asked what I was thinking and I honestly had no idea. I went into work that same day and my DM told me she wanted me to move stores out to Denver; the company would pay for everything to move us out there I just needed to give her an answer by the next day. I spoke with joe about it and we didn't feel good about it... As crazy as that sounds. We talked about moving to Utah because joe would be able to transfer with his job to Utah, but not to Colorado. I pitched the idea to my DM and she said that she would do anything to keep me with the company and would call around Utah to see if they had room for me at a store there. It took about a week to finalize everything with my job, but I was approved for a transfer, we literally had a weekend to sell our contract, pack up our stuff, and move to Utah so I could start working that following Tuesday.

 At this point I was 11 weeks pregnant and so incredibly sick and exhausted all the time I didn't think it was possible to get it all done. It happened so fast we didn't have a chance to ask friends for help with anything. Joe literally packed up our entire apartment and cleaned it all on his own and we drove away Sunday night. We had no idea where we were going to live, luckily my work paid for a hotel for us until we found an apartment but that was stressful in itself. 

Not only were we able to find a cute town home, but our ward here is amazing! We didn't have the best experience in our last ward in rexburg so I was nervous about going to church down here, especially since with joes job he would have to work Sundays, meaning I would have to go to church all alone! I've made some amazing friends and felt so welcomed in this new ward- it's been amazing. Even though I have to go alone, I know it won't last forever and it's made me more independent and outgoing not having joe to hide behind haha. 

Since being down in Utah joe was able to find a new job with American Express! He starts next week  and we couldn't be more excited! With this new job, I for sure won't have to go back to work and we will live the same way we did when I was working! Talk about a HUGE blessing and relief. I was okay with going back to work after the baby was born for a few months until Joe graduates, but Joe wouldn't let that happen. He knows how much I want to be home with the baby and he wants that too which is something I am so grateful for. He makes my dream of being a mom a reality and I am so grateful for all his hard work. I seriously don't know how he does it.

Even though these past 6 months have been the epitome of stressful and filled with uncertainty I know that we have been blessed beyond measure. I don't know why we've been blessed in the ways that we have been, but I am grateful everyday for the life that we have together. I am so excited to bring this little girl into our lives and I can't help but think of how lucky she is to have Joe as her dad. I look at him and wonder why I got so lucky, I certainly don't deserve him. Even after these two years of marriage he still puts up with my crazy high maintenance ways and still loves me through it all! Here's to another crazy adventure with my best friend!

24 Weeks down,15 weeks and 6 days to go!

Today I had my 24 week appointment and I was lucky enough to have my mom come with me! Her and my step dad recently moved to Park City so it has been so much fun being close to and seeing her every week! I feel so spoiled with her this close; we haven't lived in the same state for 5 years! I am definitely loving having her around, especially to share in these special moments with me.

Our appointment was kind of rushed which annoyed me, but my doctor had to run out really fast to deliver a baby so I guess it's fine...haha I'd want her to do the same for me when I go into labor, but I was sad that my mom didn't get to hear the heartbeat for very long or visit with my doctor.  It was so fun listening to the baby's heartbeat and being able to see how excited my mom was- I was super proud, she didn't even cry once! After my appointment we went to lunch and spent the rest of the day shopping at City Creek, there's just something so fun about spending the day with your mom.  It's crazy to think that I will soon be having girls days of my own with my little baby.


How far along: 24 weeks and 1 day

Maternity clothes: oh yes, I'm so much more comfortable and happier in maternity clothes. Crazy how wearing clothes that fit you can change your mood so much

Stretch marks: Not yet! I'm hoping they never make an appearance 

Sleep: Ugh, the good ole' days of sleeping... I bought new sheets and pillows the other day and it has definitely helped haha

Best moment of this week: Taking my mom to my appointment and feeling this baby girl kick all the time


Miss anything:  I miss being able to move freely. Getting in and out of bed and bending over to pick things up is getting hard. Joe says I'm just being dramatic since I'm not that big, if only he knew ha

Movement: Yes! Loving every little kick and punch I feel 

Food cravings: Caramel popcorn. I am obsessed


Anything making you queasy or sick: If I go too long without eating I get nauseated, but smells aren't bothering me like they used to thank goodness! 

Have you started to show yet: Oh yes, yes, yes I've finally popped. I feel huge and realizing that I'm only going to get bigger and bigger is slightly depressing 

Gender: Beautiful baby girl 

Labor signs: No, thank goodness! 

Belly button in or out: Still in! The countdown is on to see if it ever pops. I don't think it will...

Wedding rings on or off: on

Happy or moody most of the time:  I'm usually happy, sometimes I have an off day.
Looking forward to: putting together the beautiful crib my mom and mark got for us!! Can't wait to start decorating the nursery. 

My Little Girl

November 13th 2013:

It still feels so surreal to think that there is a little girl inside of my tummy kicking and flipping all around, I love her so much already. I think I cried twice before actually making it to the hospital for my appointment; I was extremely cranky all morning for some reason, I blame the pregnancy hormones. I shouldn't be cranky or crying, in an hour we would find out what this little baby was- I should be over the moon giddy. To some extent I was, but my nerves got in the way of that. I really didn't even care what we were having just as long as he or she was healthy.

We walked into the dark ultrasound room and I seriously thought I was going to be sick, luckily I wasn't.  The second we saw the little baby on the screen twisting and punching my heart was calm and  I was finally able to relax. There she was, so cute and so happy.  Joe grabbed my hand and we watched in amazement of our little girl.  At this point, we didn't know she was a girl and it didn't matter. I have had a feeling all along that it was a girl, I've had so many vivid dreams about her and according to my mom some of my cravings pointed to having a girl ha. As we moved on to get a better look at her little legs the ultrasound tech said she was having a hard time getting a clear picture because she wouldn't stop moving...she really is me and Joe's baby! Then she asked if we wanted to know the gender, for a split second I was hesitant, but Joe responded with "yes, tell us!" and she said "it's a girl!". I looked at Joe, he had stars in his eyes, he was completely in awe of his baby girl.  I thought I would be a lot more dramatic than I was, I quietly gasped and a tear or two rolled down my cheek.  My baby girl.

Joe has always wanted a boy, so I've been kind of nervous this whole time leading up to the ultrasound hoping he would still be happy with a girl.  Who am I kidding? It's Joe, he is seriously the best and most supportive guy around I had nothing to worry about.  After we finished with the ultrasound the doctor came in to talk to us about it. He said everything looks perfect, that our little girl is healthy and great. That was the biggest relief to hear. I've been so worried about this little peanut, I try my best to eat healthy, and get enough sleep, and drink enough water but some things are just out of my control.

After the doctor left Joe and I sat in the room and I cried, yet again trying to let the reality of the situation sink in.  There's so many emotions I felt/feel it's hard to put into words. I feel so incredibly blessed and grateful to be carrying this little baby, I can't believe she chose to come be apart of our little family. There's definitely a reason this has all happened, and I have to keep reminding myself of that, because it's not always on our timing that is taken into consideration.

Baby Peanut

Tomorrow is the day we find out if this "it" is a boy or girl! I am actually really nervous about it; this makes everything much more real, because I honestly still haven't come to terms with being pregnant and the fact that I am going to have a baby. I guess I better get ready, because it's happening a lot sooner than I'd like! My mom was laughing at me the other day, because I told her that I felt like pregnancy is going by too fast. She said I'm the only pregnant girl to ever say that, and she's probably right haha. I feel like I have so much to do and no time to get it all done. 

I get super nervous right before my doctors appointments, especially tomorrow's since it's the big 20 week one where they measure all the internal organs and make sure our little peanut is growing healthy and strong. I'm sure everything is fine, I'm just a worry wart when it comes to these kinds of these, especially this precious little baby. 

I can't wait to start shopping and getting everything all prepped and ready for this little bundle to join our family. 20 weeks down, 20 more to go! We can do it!

One of those maternity posts

How far along: 19 weeks and 5 days! I can't believe I'm almost half way there!

Maternity clothes: not yet. I'm thinking it's probably going to happen soon...I split my jeans open at work the other night. They were old and worn out anyway ;)

Stretch marks: None yet, praying they stay away!

Sleep: I've been sleeping great up until a few nights ago. Constant bathroom breaks and now I'm starting to get uncomfortable. I told Joe today I am buying a pregnancy pillow asap. 

Best moment of this week: Feeling little flutters when I lay really, really still. 


Miss anything:  Not really... 

Movement: slight, but yes!

Food cravings: Ugh, this is so gross but yesterday I was hardcore craving vienna sausages. Nasty right? Other than that I have craved hot chocolate and sushi...random! 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not as bad as I was in the first trimester. Ground beef would make me run for the hills.  

Have you started to show yet: yes. except I am still in that awkward pudgy stage where I don't quite look pregnant, I just look like I've eaten too many donuts. Waiting to finally "pop" and to actually look pregnant! 

Gender: I think it's a girl and so does Joe. We officially find out on Wednesday and I can't wait!!! 

Labor signs: No, thank goodness! 

Belly button in or out: Anyone who has seen my belly button knows how much of a black hole it is. It's crazy, for the first time in my life, I can actually see inside my belly button. It's still in though, I'll be very surprised if it pops out.

Wedding rings on or off: on

Happy or moody most of the time: I'm happy most of the time...but we all have our moments. Joe does a pretty funny reenactment of me laughing on minute to crying the next. One time I started to cry because I was hot...yup I'm totally that girl.

Looking forward to: Finding out the gender on wednesday! I can't wait to start shopping for this little peanut! 

Rambling thoughts on a baby

I sometimes have these weird days where one second I'm so excited to be a mom; I'll daydream about this baby and how lucky I am to have it growing inside me. Then, there are other days where I feel so overwhelmed and scared that I doubt myself and my ability to take on this challenge... 

Most days I just want to keep this baby inside of me and keep it safe forever and ever. I have so, so, soooo many fears. I don't want this baby to grow up and go to school and endure the hardships that this life has to offer. I just don't want this baby to grow up at all.  It's funny how everything comes full circle when you're at the other end of the spectrum. I can now see why my parents did the things they did, I don't know how they survived raising me. I totally get it now! Hopefully, this baby listens to us better than I listened to my parents. Pleasepleaseplease!!!!!!!!!

My favorite moments so far have been at night, if I lay still enough, I can feel little flutters throughout my tummy. They are small, but I love it and I love this baby. We find out next week what we're having and I'm so excited, I think it'll make things even more real. I just hope that this baby loves me and joe as much as we already love it.  

Crusin'

Joe and I took a cruise for our two year anniversary and it was just what the doctor ordered! This cruise had been in the works for over a year; we planned it with some good friends of ours and the ongoing joke was that no one could get pregnant before the cruise. Ha! About that... 

My first trimester was really rough, between a sudden move from Idaho to Utah (we packed up everything and left in one weekend), to working full time, to having not just morning sickness, but all day sickness this cruise couldn't have come at a better time! I wasn't even sick on the cruise which was a huge relief! I actually felt my best on the cruise which is crazy, everyone who knew I was pregnant was so worried I would be miserable- thank goodness I wasn't. 

We went on a 7 day cruise to Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel. Our first stop was Jamaica and I absolutely hated it. A lot of people think I'm weird for hating it so much, but since I've been pregnant I've become crazy paranoid. I've always had a wild imagination, but pregnancy has taken things to a new level of insanity. I kept having flashes of the movie "Taken" pop into my mind as we walked around the city. I didn't care so much about something happening to me personally, but the thought of something happening to me while carrying this precious baby sent me into a tailspin. Maybe I'm just a crazy pregnant woman, but my sweet friend Hilary assured me that I wasn't the only one with these crazy fears. We only stayed off the boat for a couple hours, thank goodness. Just long enough to visit the beach and get swindled into buying expensive bracelets that I could have made at girls camp. It's all part of the experience, I suppose. 

 

Our next stop was Grand Cayman which was a pleasant change from Jamaica. The beach was white, the water clear, and there weren't a million people trying to sell you regge cd's. I was much happier here and finally able to relax and not worry so much. We spent all day at the beach laying out and swimming. 

We took this picture here. We tried in Jamaica but the tide was high and people kept walking through my sand message. Another reason I hated Jamaica. 

Our last stop was Cozumel and that day was so fun. It was our shortest day which was a bummer because we had a sweet excursion planned to visit the Mayan ruins. I've always been obsessed with history, ask me about the Egyptians and I'll talk your ear off. It's my secret nerdy thing. You better believe I was pumped when we were able to book a private tour of the ruins with no one other than Heleman. It's okay, I didn't know who Heleman was either, but our friends Zack and Hilary had used him years before for a tour and said he was legit. The best part of this tour is that it was a Book of Mormon based tour! It was so cool! We got into the van and immediately he had us start reading verses from the Book of Mormon. We all chuckled at first, but this guy knew his stuff. It was so crazy to see the relations between our Book of Mormon stories and what archeologist had found about the Mayan people. If you're ever going to Cozumel I'll get you his number, you will not be disappointed! 

 

It was such a nice week away. After a crazy stressful move, trying to find a place to live, and starting our jobs down in Utah we enjoyed every minute. These pics are all from my phone, sorry they aren't the best quality. 

Notice out little photo bomber? Haha